Why You Should Give Two Fucks About District 9

I was pondering writing something up on District 9. After all, I'm not exactly a movie critic. Then I realized that I'm not exactly a music critic, either, and that's never stopped me.

I saw District 9, and I thought it was going to be the ultimate good, incapable of critical penetration and/or destruction. Well, not necessarily impenetrable, but close enough. Here's why you should not only watch District 9, but why you should appreciate what the hell you're watching.


1. It's not based on a goddamn TV show.
Audiences worldwide have always been at least mildly entertained by movies made after TV shows or previously grounded mediums (ie: comic books, novels, etc.). Even if the movies failed miserably, they still probably managed to at least break even because of the previous interest due to the previous medium. After all, Daredevil is an all out shitstorm of a film, however, it's $80 million dollar budget was 50% reached in its opening weekend, as it rolled in nearly $41 million. Worldwide, it eventually made nearly $180 million. And all that hub-bub for perhaps one of the worst movies in existence.
Point being, District 9 is an original film. I'm fairly certain the last original film was Citizen Kane, and that's not even totally true, because everybody knows that's really based on William Randolf Hearst's life, and also his affinity for naming female body parts after flower body parts. Audiences don't even know what to do with themselves when they get an original plot line. Half of the opening weekend traffic for D9 was probably enraged that they couldn't prep themselves by reading the book, and then brag to all their friends who haven't seen the film that "the book was totally better, but I guess they did okay with the budget they had."

Which brings me to my second point.

2. It's truly the first summer blockbuster that didn't bust the producer/director's bank.
D9 cost around $30 million to make, and it's already remade that and then some, grossing $37 million merely in its opening weekend. The other two blockbusters this summer, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and GI: Joe cost exponentially more money. Transformers racked up a bill of $200 million. GI:Joe cost $175 million, and in its opening weeks has failed to even break even, grossing only $165 million since opening August 7th.
Again, the point being, you don't have to sit through a Michael Bay explosion extravaganza to get your money's worth. Nor do you have to watch one of the Wayans pretend to be badass.

Which brings me to my third point.

3. What big name do you know in this movie?
That's right, nobody. The main character is played by Sharlto Copley who, before gaining the lead in D9, has literally been in nothing, and yet, he pulls off a stunning performance. He provides a much needed compare and contrast factor to the alien prawns by proving that humans can be both understanding and assholes. Also, he's absolutely hilarious in the first half of the movie.

Also, no one in the audience is distracted from the poor cinematography or acting by Megan Fox. This is good, because I've had enough of jocks and bros alike admitting "Well, I didn't really like the movie, but Megan Fox is fucking hot. No seriously, I'd do her." I'm sure you would. Unfortunately, since you paid $6.50 to see this shitty movie just for Megan Fox, your relation to her is nothing more than a client to a whore. Which I guess would also make Michael Bay her pimp...

Which doesn't quite bring me to my fourth point...

4. Finally, someone understands how to shoot a goddamn interesting film.
And when I say "shoot," I'm speaking of the cinematography. It's absolutely brilliant in this film. The film blends the classic Hollywood style of shooting with the newly trendy "Cloverfield" style shooting - documentary, Handi-cam, home movie style shooting. However, unlike The Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield, Quarantine, and the plethora of copy-and-paste movies that have attempted to utilize this unique "new" type of filming, D9 actually uses it fucking tastefully. Period. Speaking of tasteful, D9 also uses CGI tastefully. Instead of clashing against the background, or dominating the actual human actors, the CGI prawns blend into the film. They work - speaking in a physical sense - with the actors and the set.

5. The movie, although generalized as a summer "blockbuster," does not rely on action/gore/violence alone to bring in the audience.
I've heard criticisms that D9 relies on explosions and weapons too heavily, and that it detracts from the plot or the character development or the fact that these explosions don't really matter because Michael Bay didn't produce them. These accusations can easily be swept under the rug. Clearly, whoever thinks these things hasn't seen the trailer for GI: Joe, which I believe contains roughly 14 words, juxtaposed next to several images of the Eiffel Tower falling, the Eiffel Tower exploding, the Eiffel Tower crushing buildings beneath it, and some guy in a black jumpsuit doing a front flip while wielding a katana while 5 or 6 motorcycles blow up beneath him.

Everybody run! It's shitty CGI and obvious green screens!

Everything is rigged to explode is a world run by terrorists.

D9 is not an action film, and in fact, up until around the one hour mark, the film appears to be a comedy. As mentioned, Copley is hilarious in his role, and the prawns, at first, act the part of the stereotypical, ignorant, illegal "immigrants." The movie turns, however, and takes the audience by surprise, when Copley is very abruptly thrown on the other side of the spectrum. The film then takes a very dark tone, changing into a thriller, both psychologically and physically.


District 9 should not be shelved anywhere near these other summer movies, nor should it be ignored due to its lack of star-studded cast and crew. It's sad that the only way people can react to an original film is by criticizing it for the same things they blindly miss in every other movie based on something from their childhood. Think about your criticism of D9 the next time you sit down to watch Speed Racer, and you may finally understand what it takes to make a decent movie.

(Box office stats and images found on www.boxofficemojo.com.)